Worst. Applicant. Ever.

I know this is pretty bad, but today an old resume cover leter was exhumed from the "I cannot believe this!" file. It was brought for comparison against a new challenger. I must note that PLENTY of terrible resumes come through ANY kitchen, due to English as a second language, or just plain dumb people. But I wanted to post this actual, and incredible piece for your amazement.

And if you read this, you are as bad as I am....

"Seeking long-term employment opportunity with Restaurant working the Kitchen-back of house, saute cook most looked aster, of course a desire. I have exceptional prior kitchen friendliness, not kitchen suddeness. Learning and training is an ongoing practice and I excel doing so. Education is my priority; student living, of course is a necessity. I take responsibility for all my tuition and school costs which includes; room, health and trasportation and student fees. I have a career interest analysis wisdom and virtue; also, I should mention I am an avid outdoorsman and rich at all of it. You can most notably recognize, I (name blacked out), and asses the formulation as a whole and extract the following qualitites, because you will notice that each division is evident, apart of who I am today and will be tomorrow. I have desire to achieve a task within a comfortable time fram, I possess the strength to achieve a reasonable request, competent and responsive to upper management. Prefer shared deadline as a team rather then forced to be singled out. Find that I get along with all races, genders and personality types; except for, backstabbers, gossipers and cowards. I am responsible and courteous, I expect nothing but championship quality, unless otherwise expected. Have experience researching controversial issues, current affairs, bibliographies, popular culture etc. I enjoy a fast paced heated enviroment with value and intensity. I excel with interactive busy work tasks, and pursue small and large business fundamental objectives. Don Dellilo writes... that, all of the hand written and word processed excess documents thrown out, are to be valued later not disturbed as garbage before..."


Really.